T In The Park 2008
I'm no good at judging numbers, but I'd say there were about thirty thousand people in our tent, even though Winehouse was on at the main stage.
In place of sending some hapless hack up to T In The Park to ponder such questions as 'What do RATM think of The Fratellis?' and 'How the hell did The Hoosiers get so many festival slots?', we roped We Are The Physics' frontman Michael M in to giving his version of Sunday's events.Hi. I'm writing about my experience at that big festival T In The Park 2008 in Scotland because I was so there. In this detailed account I will namedrop as often as possible and provide an utterly useless view of the festival as it was seen right through my eyeballs.
Now, I'm no good at judging numbers, but I'd say there were about a million people at T In The Park this year, and that was from my initial head-count alone. Of course, I went in the back way due to my celebrity status so I didn't get an opportunity to calculate the exact number of people I saw. Backstage at T In The Park is lovely. So lovely, in fact, it makes you forget you're at a festival and you begin to think it's a civilised place. Covering the perimeter of the festival is a makeshift dirt road that connects the arse-end of all the stages and small off-shoot paddocks like in Jurassic Park. These off-shoot paddocks are places like the media area, catering and the artists' village, the latter being the most heavily guarded. To gain entry to such an area you must show your official TITP lanyard and pass, correctly assemble a plastic puzzle like in the Krypton Factor, AND summarise the movie '300' in ten words or less. Upon access, you're greeted by a bizarre compound of portacabins with their own gardens. It's a bit like Portmeirion in The Prisoner, minus the big white ball.
Our first port of call was the media paddock, wherein rows of portacabins held captive hosts of radio stations and popular music rags. We had to do an interview for STV which was marred by our inability to stop thinking about cakes, hence why it was never actually shown on TV.
We travelled up the dirt path back to the artists' area and discovered it was possible to get a free haircut, free beer, free Relentless, free games of Rock Band, free oxygen and, most importantly, free donuts, of which I had many. So many, in fact, I found sugar on my lips much later on. I didn't indulge in a free haircut just in case I had hair on my neck later.
Our gig was in the Futures tent which was, approximately, a hundred miles away from the artists's area, so we got a shuttle to take us. Much to our dismay, it was just a bus, but we nearly got in the same one as Seasick Steve by mistake, fearing that he may also have been Carsick Steve.
I'm no good at judging numbers, but I'd say there were about thirty thousand people in our tent, even though Winehouse was on at the main stage. It was en enjoyable romp and stuff and we played 'Rehab', although I managed to lose both a badge and the LED from my bass during a particularly mother-crushing crowdsurf. I apologise to all mothers I damaged.
Once our set was over, we needed to get grub in us because the catering tent closed at 9pm. The catering tent at TITP is always a treat. Imagine a huge tent. Imagine that tent filled with delicious foods. That's the catering tent. Like a massive canvas belly. We all ate food and I had some nice cakes. We managed to sit next to The Brian Jonestown Massacre by mistake who were undoubtedly impressed by my cake-swilling prowess.
We wanted to go and see Ex Wives in the T-Break tent, so we had to get a bus up, but it took us round the entire festival in the opposite direction and we didn't get to their tent until they were almost done. The bus runs constantly round the dirt-path on the perimeter of the festival and you can just jump on and off whenever you like. However, this year the fences of the festival were completely see-through... so, as we travelled around, we could peer inside the festival grounds and were met with a cavalcade of cocks pissing against the fences. It was great, we'd wave at them, and they'd wave back (usually with the hand not clutching their tools), or quickly hide their dripping man-weapons as we passed. I've never been on a human safari before, but I guarantee in the year 3015 when earth is just a huge zoo for intergalactic space pricks, this is EXACTLY what it'll be like. I can't wait!
After travelling round the festival about five times on the bus, watching people taking a piss and their inevitable embarrassment was beginning to get ever so slightly tiresome so we went to watch The Prodigy and entered the main fracas of the actual festival itself! Now, I'm no good at judging numbers, but I'd say there were about twenty million people there. The atmosphere was electric, like plugs! And The Prodigy sounded brilliant and eerie and the lighting was terrifying! Although, we were standing next to a Mexican Nachos stall which took the edge off it a wee bit. Eventually, we retired backstage and watched them from there and it was amazing. Although, the 'boing' in 'Outer Space' was really quiet.
At the end of the festival, there's a lock-down, like in that Blue song where they have the city on it. We couldn't leave until about midnight because the police were herding everyone into tents. Chris used one of the free nectarines from the obligatory fruit basket to pulverise Michaelguitar's ballsack and Rob, our tour manager, bought us Lion Bars at our request on the way home. Certainly, it seems, the best way to experience T In The Park is to form a band that are ok at music and get invited to play the festival so you can eat all the free food! It was really good, it was.
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